Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize