You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
