are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
