I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
