that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He has the fingertips of a God
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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