end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
