Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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