No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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