that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
