I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
