How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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