So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
