I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I look better un-naked...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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