If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
