you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
