i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
