Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
