On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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