have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
