you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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