guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
