hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
