college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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