She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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