He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
