So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This girl is more easily done than said...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
