Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
