I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
