The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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