so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
