i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
