guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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