So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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