I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
