You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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