I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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