Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
