i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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