In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
now i know why i became what i already was.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
