was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
