She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
