As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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