i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
