woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
