glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
