the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
