I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
