Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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