i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
