I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Its about making memories worth repressing
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
