I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
