yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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