Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
