hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
