Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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