She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We need to rekindle our bromance
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize