tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
