bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize