the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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