Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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