So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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