I wish I could teleport
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
