We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
