If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
