sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We need to rekindle our bromance
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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