you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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