just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize