no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
