I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
