Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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