I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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