dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
