don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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