next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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