He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
