This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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